Hello, hello!

Let’s get right into this, because it’s getting very hot under here.

I guess I should tell you that I’m under a plushy microfiber blanket that I bought years ago. I won’t tell you what it is I’m listening to, but you’ll just have to trust my (expert) judgment, and believe me when I tell you that it’s very, very, very good music.

Getting toasty in here, for sure! That and I’m sort of hunched over in an awkward position in the middle of my bed with all of the lights out. It’s nearly midnight.

I am listening to incredible music in the dark, under a blanket, at midnight.

(I’d type with the monitor completely dimmed, but I don’t feel like proofreading this later on.)

Hell, if I’m not actually crazy, I might just invite such stormy moods into my life simply by way of all the strange and not-normal-people-behavior-inducing activities I take part in on a ritualistic, nightly basis!

Ahem!

Today I spent my entire afternoon in my living room. I did this because the heat is finally on, however low it may be, and it was practically thin t-shirt and hoodie weather in there. What a nice climate for choking on massive intakes of protein and being a jerk on the internet, I say!

I wrote about three-thousand words of my dumb trip to the Orient (haaaahhh!) and slammed against the wall and didn’t feel like writing any more about that shit today. I’ll get to it tomorrow, I think. When it goes *LIVE*, you may scoff at it and pretend like it’s bullshit, I don’t mind.

I was awake in the afternoon because the return flight from Tokyo has rendered me gum-sticky crazy and I sort of tempered my sleep schedule from something no productive human being could ever sustain themselves by to a downright grandpa sleep schedule. I wake up at six in the morning, for God’s sake! I was tired at eight p.m. I’m tired now!

Fuck, man. America. This place blows. I have a job and a life and, uh — well, I don’t have friends — but, you know. I have things going on for me here, and I’d completely forgotten about all of that on the other side of the world. What a great dream that was, way over there. And then pop! I’m back here, and everything is smoky and people are tar-coughing psychopaths, and not in a good way, either!

I can’t do this. I tell you — the more time I have to jerk around and do nothing, the less I feel like doing anything. I need pressure and time limits or else I’ll never be able to churn out buttery prose for you, you no one, you!

Seriously: three-thousand words are sitting on my computer right now, colorful sentences and (short) paragraphs and all. I talk about bathing with a fifteen-year-old boy at some point, and how he told me he likes baseball and having sex with his girlfriend even though her mother is a fucking ball-busting demon! His words, not mine (sort of)!

Someone — anyone — needs to keep me away from a computer when my mind starts whirling around like this. My eyes are buzzing and humming, and lord knows if the half of me that keeps this boat afloat even realizes that I’m awake and up past my bedtime right now.

Keep me away from a keyboard, I’m not even kidding!

This is the witching hour that I browse a certain social networking website and spout off god-exploding psychobabble to people who don’t even know that I’m still alive! And then they are rudely reminded that I am the following morning, and they never reply to anything I say because that would mean inciting the cloudy mood of a schizophrenic fire hydrant that is me!

Fuuuuuuuuuccccccccccckkkkkkk! Never again will I take a twelve-hour international flight in the evening. I arrived an hour before I left Japan on the same day!! If that doesn’t render a human being a drooling ape who sees only black and white and yellow, I don’t know what does.

Honestly, it’s best if I stop moving my fingers right now. The gears in my brain are popping off left and right, and I’m afraid of what happens when every part of me rattles and turns to dust and explodes. I mean — I know what happens. I’m just not sure what that means tonight.

Going to sleep, now.

I love you, you no one, you.

Really!

There’s something that I’m sure I’d like about you.

Maybe!