Oyn is a strange creature, I’ll give her that. She likes the kind music that would lead a fully-grown adult human being to nod and complain about the dangers of “frequent drug use” and “unsolicited sex”. They wouldn’t be right, but they wouldn’t be wrong, either.

There appears to be a large outcry from the “Banjo-Kazooie community”, if such a thing exists. They’re mad because the newest Banjo game — one they haven’t even played yet — isn’t precisely identical to Banjo-Tooie, which I suspect is akin to burning a Bible. Ryan sets out to defend innovation and gets angry in the process.

Dan Knighton, who I’m sure fancies himself as somewhat of a Nine Inch Nails expert, explores Trent Reznor’s take on the whole “Hey, this is the internet, and, um, here’s a free album,” craze that seems to be sweeping this “modern” world we “live” in. Though really, I guess you get what you pay for. Hah!

Golgo 13 is a badass assassin who murders people and just totally doesn’t even give a shit afterward. When he’s not blowing holes through people’s foreheads, he’s having sex with women he probably shouldn’t. Oh, and I guess they made a game about it for some reason.

For whatever reason, if you don’t like this game, you’re going to get crucified by people (children) who SWEAR that it upsets our Lord in Heaven. Sure, beating the shit out of Nintendo’s “beloved” mascots (Ice Climbers? Really?) might, I don’t, sound fun, but the game is actually a garbled mess; Ryan unveils the painfully obvious.

Somewhere, somehow, there’s a crisis involving dinosaurs. They could have just called the game “Dinosaurs” since, come on, that pretty much implies a crisis. But then someone’s going to reference the live-action TV show, and it’s all downhill from there. If anything, we should be more shocked that Dino Crisis 2 even exists.

Apparently Dan has to lie to his imaginary wife about seeing a movie with a bunch of Chinese people getting it on, though hey, I’m sure he’s done stranger things. If the title isn’t enough to get you in the mood for some raw lovin’, then I guess you’re just not in to that sort of thing. If you are, well, proceed with caution. Hey-oh!

Wes Anderson makes moves that I must grudgingly admit are frequently referred to as “quirky”. Why not “colorful” or “usually star the Wilson brothers”? No, it’s not as brilliant as The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou, and yeah, it sort of caught everyone by surprise, but it’s about brothers, drugs and a train. Sold.

Christian Bale has a great beard in Rescue Dawn, which is a strange thing to say considering it looks patchy and down-right homely. Regardless of its quality, texture and thickness, I can’t help but think about that beard with envy; maybe it’s the way the mustache rolls over his lips. The movie is about war or something.